


Hazardous Duty by Tenaya

by tenaya



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-05-01
Updated: 2002-05-01
Packaged: 2017-10-12 00:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/118706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenaya/pseuds/tenaya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a mission with SG-3 and SG-11, Daniel becomes uneasy about the increasingly strange behavior of his teammates.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hazardous Duty by Tenaya

The inner chamber of the stone temple was cool, the sweet odor of its damp soil relaxing Daniel Jackson as he focused his attentions on the crumbling engravings on the wall in front of him. Most ancient tombs were quiet, but this one had constant background noise from a waterfall as it emptied into a pool at the temple entrance. The sound was lulling, a white noise that helped to mask distractions.

Not that there were many distractions for him on this trip. The rest of SG–1 were busy with other projects: Sam was updating the dialing computer, Teal'c was visiting with his son and Bra'tac, and Jack was doing some sort of Air Force colonel thing. SG–11's archaeological mission to P5X–923 came at a perfect time and General Hammond readily assigned Daniel to them as a Supervising Consultant. The ruins here were Egyptian and possibly sub–Saharan — definitely a combination that indicated Goa'uld interference. While SG–11 could have thoroughly documented the site and brought the massive amount of data to his office for analysis, it was actually easier and faster for Daniel just to be on site for a few days and focus his team's attention on the most promising areas. SG–11 were an efficient and experienced team; they required very little supervision for their tasks and it left him free to concentrate on the most interesting artifacts.

The rest of the members of the expedition were SG–3, and they were performing their usual job of providing security as for those that worked at analysis. Not that Daniel expected any trouble; the ruins here were hundreds of years old and there weren't any signs of recent Goa'uld activity. SG–3 was even less of a distraction than SG–11. He barely saw them apart from mealtime, and when he did, it was just to glimpse them as they silently patrolled the site's perimeter. He tended to see the same two: Sergeant Lewis and Major Clark. Their names were tempting to comment on, but Daniel resisted. Clark's arms were nearly as big around as Daniel's thighs and her teammate, Lewis, was nearly as big as Teal'c. In typical Marine fashion, they didn't seem to have been issued a sense of humor so Daniel restricted his comments to offers of coffee and remarks about the weather. Their commander, Colonel Sanchez, was Makepeace's replacement. He tended to stare at Daniel a lot, his face void of any readable expression. Trying to deduce the cause of the stares was perhaps the most distracting thing Daniel had to deal with. There was, unfortunately, a wealth of hidden agendas for Daniel to pick from. It could be that Sanchez had issues with a civilian thing, or the geek with glasses thing, or Daniel's reputation for finding trouble thing, or some bizarre macho competition with a member of the SGC's flagship team thing, or even a new chapter to the NID/Makepeace thing. And though he'd never admit it to anyone, Marines kind of unnerved him. Whether they were relaxed or on alert, these soldiers reminded Daniel of the feeling he had when he was surrounded by a pack of unleashed pit bulls a few years ago. Anything that had the potential for violence and was unpredictable worried Daniel.

Suffering from a cramp, he stood up. Hands on his hips, he arched backwards as he stretched out his complaining muscles before he resumed staring perplexedly at the faint markings on the wall. He squinted as the light dimmed momentarily. When it dimmed again, he frowned.

Okay, that was wrong, and Daniel froze in place as he strained to hear any sound behind him. When the light flickered again and he whirled around in alarm. Sergeant Lewis and Major Clark stood ten feet away, their relaxed hands resting on the grips of their P–90s.

"Hey." He said softly, worriedly.

"Hey, Professor. Just came by to see if you're okay." Lewis' tone was casual, but Daniel knew something else was up. He'd been around enough to recognize the focused look of someone with an agenda, and these two looked very focused — predatory as a matter of fact. He anxiously wondered if whoever had corrupted Colonel Makepeace had gotten to these two Marines, too.

"I'm, ah, I'm fine," he said, making an effort to stare them straight in the eye. Jack and Teal'c always used that tactic on their adversaries; maybe it would help him now.

Lewis moved a few steps closer and stared right back at him. "When we don't see you for hours, we get worried. Anything could happen to man out here alone."

Daniel licked his lips nervously as he tried to interpret that as anything but threatening and failed. He swallowed hard as he considered his options. He had two tactics he'd developed for threatening situations. One was for him to run like hell, but the Marines were staggered between him and the temple entrance and he knew he'd be tackled immediately. That left his other prime tactic — speech — and he geared up to talk, reason, beg or cajole himself out of this mess. He couldn't imagine what they'd want from him, unless they held a grudge for Makepeace's downfall. Marines were very cliquish and not only was he not a Marine, he wasn't even military.

He cleared his throat. "Is there something I can do for you?" Polite was good. Polite could derail problems sometimes. Traffic cops, amorphous gaseous giant aliens…you never knew who would respond favorably to politeness.

Major Clark stepped closer and smiled. "Well, Doc, now that you've asked, there is something you could do for us."

Daniel arched his eyebrows quizzically. "Yes?" he said, striving to look as harmless as possible. Looking harmless was also a tactic that had worked well in the past.

Clark gripped her gun and took a thorough survey over her shoulder before she closed in the last few feet. Standing within touching distance, Daniel was aware that while Clark was the same height as he, she probably out–weighed him by at least 20 pounds…and she had the P–90. Daniel tightened his fingers around the camel hair brush he held; maybe if he tossed it to her, she'd be so surprised he might get a few feet before she shot him.

"Doc…."

"Yes?"

"Doc, I want you to marry us."

Daniel blinked rapidly in confusion. "M–m–marry? Us?"

Clark smiled widely, her teeth straight and white against her dark skin. "Not us," she said, nodding her head between Daniel and her. " _Us_ ," she said, tossing her head towards Lewis.

Daniel nodded fast as he looked back and forth between the two Marines as he tried to comprehend her unexpected words. "Marry, marry you. As in…" his fingers fluttered about as they tried to fill in for the words that still eluded him. The concept of Marines and marriage just would not fit together in his brain. Well, at least they weren't here to do mayhem. The nodding turned into head shaking. "I can't marry you. I have no authority to do anything like that."

Lewis frowned. "Weren't you a holy man or shaman for the Abydonians?"

"Ah, no. The Goa'uld forbade them to read or write as a way to keep their history from them. I was helping them to learn all three. I was their teacher."

"Teaching, helping, guiding…whatever." Clark still looked confident. "I want an ancient Egyptian ceremony; you can perform that can't you?"

"Well, ah, technically, the ancient Egyptians didn't have a religious ceremony for marriages. They more or less moved in together and had a scribe record the event."

"No exchange of rings?"

"Sometimes. Feasts were fairly common, too."

"So you could marry us, right? You are a scribe, aren't you?" Clark persisted.

"Yes, but, ah…wh–what about the regulations? Chain of command and fraternization and all that?"

The two Marines glanced at each other. "Not going to be a problem much longer," said Clark. "I'm about to be promoted and reassigned, and Lewis here has nearly finished with this tour of duty. We won't be in the same unit much longer."

"Oh. But why not go to Vegas or something like that?"

They both smiled. "Some folks want to be married underwater or during a bungee jump. We want to be the first to be married off–world, and we figure you're the right man to hitch us."

Daniel frowned. "Uh, why?"

Lewis slapped Daniel on his back. "Hell, Professor! You've kicked some major Goa'uld ass in your day. Besides, how many times have you been killed and lived to tell the tale?"

Daniel stared, open–mouthed; Marines were a very strange bunch. "Well, I suppose it all depends on how you want to define—" He stopped suddenly and looked pale. "Too many times, let's just leave it at that. And besides, what does that have to do with anything?"

Lewis grinned. "It makes for a better story. Besides, we respect you, Professor. Like it or not, you're the SGC's Wiseman. Will you do it?"

His words surprised and flattered Daniel, and he began to reconsider his decision. "It won't be legal," he warned.

"It'll be real to us, and we can get it made legal later when we're back on Earth. Come on, it'll be a blast. What do you say?"

"You're sure you want this?"

"Absolutely, Doc."

"Okay…when would this be? We leave for home in a few days."

"Tonight, at sunset, in front of this temple. It'll just be the three of us. Can you be ready?"

While it was a couple hours away, there really wasn't much to do. "Yes, I'll meet you there."

"You're the best, Professor!"

"Thanks, Doc. What should we bring?"

"Just yourself and any rings you might want to exchange."

* * * * *

Thirty minutes before sunset, they materialized out of the jungle from different directions, their BDUs dirty and sweat stained. They appeared in front of Daniel and even though he was expecting them, they still were almost upon him before he heard them.

"All clear, Major," Lewis announced.

Clark nodded. "Then it's a go."

Lewis leaned close and tucked a stunningly large and beautiful flower behind her ear, then brushed her cheek with a small kiss. "Yeah, it is."

She smiled at him. "That better not be poisonous, soldier."

"Garibey says it's safe if a bit gaudy, but what else would you expect from a botanist?"  
He turned to Daniel. "Let's do it, Professor."

Daniel's instructions to them were brief. As they spoke the required words, he recorded them in his journal.

The Marines stood facing each other, their right hands still holding the trigger grips of their P–90s as they canted the weapons off in the opposite directions of each other. Lewis held out his left hand and Clark clasped it warmly, her milk chocolate colored skin only a few shades darker than his deep tan.

"I, Henry Aaron Lewis, son of Hank and Edie Lewis of Upstate New York, say to the woman Margie Clark, I have made you a married woman." He fished a simple gold ring out of one of the compartments of his vest and slipped it on her finger.

"And I, Marjorie Elizabeth Clark, daughter of Will and Matty Clark of Missouri, say to the man Hank Lewis, I have made you a married man." She also produced a gold ring but the fit was too snug and it hung up on his second knuckle. With mischievous smile, she brought his hand up to her mouth and used her lips and tongue to lave the area until the skin was slick enough to slide the ring into place.

Daniel felt his eyebrows arch up and after a few seconds, cleared his throat. He offered his canteen to them. "Ah, it was also customary to share a drink from the same cup."

They drank in turn, all the while keeping eye contact with each other. As Daniel watched, he realized it was a beautiful moment. The sky was a variety of hues never seen before on Earth. The waterfall, pool and lush jungle were reminiscent of some tropical isle and the ancient temple exotic and mysterious.

As a warm breeze caressed his cheek, he was reminded of the soft, night winds of Abydos. His beloved wife, Sha're, had been a gift to him but he had taken pains to find out what a normal marriage ritual consisted of, then gifted her with the ceremony exactly one lunar month from their meeting. She had been radiant with joy that he had legitimized their union in the traditions of her people. Instead of 'valued visitor and bribe' their relationship had officially changed into adoring husband and loving wife. It was a commitment they made with full knowledge and they couldn't have been happier for it.

The two Marines pressed themselves together in an embrace, their weapons off to the side as they shared a deep and intimate kiss. Daniel had to admit the moment was exceptionally beautiful and sublime. Two hardened soldiers in the riskiest of jobs were risking their careers to pledge themselves to each other in the hope that they would find a life and happiness together. They were either reckless or brave or both, and he wished them the best of luck for having the courage to try for the simple desire that people the universe over wanted: to share their lives with someone they loved. Maybe these two would succeed where he himself had failed.

When they finally broke apart from the kiss, they turned to him. Lewis grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. "Thank you, Professor!"

"My pleasure."

"Hey, Lewis, my turn now," Clark said, moving closer. "Care to kiss the bride, Doc?"

Daniel smiled shyly. "I'd be honored, Major Clark."

As Daniel leaned forward to peck her on the cheek, she wrapped her arm around him and kissed him full on the lips — letting go of her gun long enough to grab a handful of his ass for a quick, hard squeeze. He was so startled he opened his mouth to yelp and was even more surprised when he felt her tongue enter his mouth. He stood there too shocked to do more than blink quickly in confusion.

Hands pushed them apart. "Hey, hey, Marg. You better let him go before you give him heart failure."

She released him with a sweet smile. "I'm sorry, Doc, but I always wanted to do that. Think of it as your wedding gift to me."

Stunned, Daniel stumbled backwards, his eyes wide as he prayed that Lewis was not a jealous man. But instead of sharp words or sharper blows, Lewis merely gave Daniel a companionable pat to the back and asked him to read what he had written in his journal.

Daniel stuttered quite a bit before he was able to tell him it was a record of their vows in Abydonian. Pleased that their words had been recorded somewhere and in a nearly indecipherable manner, they made him recite what he had written in both English and Abydonian. Both had laughed when they'd heard that in true Egyptian fashion, instead of the year, he had set the date as "in the fourth year of the reign of my Lord Hammond." He had finished it up with "Witnessed and recorded by Daniel, husband of Sha're, son of Melbourne and Claire." They were all in good spirits as they left for camp. Daniel counted himself lucky that he'd escaped from the ultimately confusion affair suffering from nothing else but a case of embarrassment over a stolen kiss. At least no one would ever hear about it.

* * * * *

After dinner that night, Daniel sat in the main tent in front of a fold up table, its surface totally obscured by reports, schedules, sketches, maps and notes. Three sides of the tent were made of fine netting, its purpose to keep out insects while still allowing the cooling breeze access to the work area. Fiddling with his digital camera, he attached a cable to his computer and prepared to transfer the jpegs of the day to his laptop's hard drive. It would have been nice to have the resources of the internet at his fingertips, but he doubted any ISP, no matter how ambitious, would be able to manage a connection out here.

He suddenly heard a snort of disbelief and his name from one of the other SGC members lounging around the fire in front of the tent. He stilled to better hear their words.

"No way! I can't believe Doctor Jackson did it! Hell, I can't believe you did it! Congratulations, both of you."

The accent identified the speaker as Sergeant Pascal, the fourth member of SG–3.  
Clark and Lewis must of have confided in him about their marriage. Well, that made sense as most SG teams were pretty tight socially as well has professionally. The confidence demonstrated just how much they trusted one another.

"Yep, the Doc came through like a champ and now you owe me five hundred dollars. You can pay the winner after our next payday," Clark said with a chuckle.

Pascal laughed. "I know, I know. Damn. I thought for sure I was going to be five hundred richer. I never thought Doctor J would go for that."

Daniel sat up straight. SG–3 had been making bets on whether he would perform the marriage or not? He knew betting was common in military units — in fact he knew from experience it was rampant on the base — he just never figured folks would be betting on him. Interesting.

He watched as Colonel Sanchez came in from patrol and saunter over to the group. Daniel returned his attention to his computer. There would be no more revelations now that their CO was there.

Twenty minutes later, the coffee he'd drunk caught up with him. As it was getting late, he powered down the equipment and stood up with a stretch. Just a quick trip to the latrine and then he could crawl into his sleeping bag for a few hours rest. Jack would be pleased that Daniel was making the effort not to work until he welcomed the sunrise while still seated at his desk.

He was on his way back into camp when Colonel Sanchez suddenly appeared in front of him. Startled, Daniel couldn't stop himself from jumping back a half a step.

Sanchez stared at him, his expression unreadable. "Jackson."

"Yes?" Daniel snapped, a little irritated by the melodrama. "Is there something you want?" He had no idea what Sanchez was up to but he was tired by the head game of "Intimidate The Civilian."

"You married two of my Marines today."

"Oh." Well, maybe Sanchez had a reason to be melodramatic. He wondered how much trouble he and Lewis and Clark could be in. Well, no use trying to hide anything. "Um…. It's not legal, you know."

Sanchez's swept a glance slowly over Daniel from head to toe to head again. His eyes narrowed. "After you performed this wedding, did you french the bride in front of her husband?"

Daniel's eyebrows shot straight to his bangs. "Oh, well, that's…I mean…I—"

"Cut the crap, Jackson. I just want to hear a yes or a no. Was there a kiss immediately after the wedding that involved tongues? That's what frenching is, Jackson."

Sanchez's tone had ventured into condescending, and that hit one of Daniel's buttons. He disliked it when Jack took that tone with him and while he had to accept it from Jack, he sure as hell didn't have to take it from Sanchez. "Yes," he said, his annoyance making him brash.

"I should have listened to what O'Neill said about you."

Daniel bit his lower lip. He wasn't sure he should pursue this but he couldn't stop himself. "And what did Jack say about me?"

Sanchez's eyes were dark, impenetrable. "That if there was trouble around, you would find it or it would find you."

"I see." Daniel felt a little of his anger seep away. In the grand scheme of things, that was pretty harmless and more or less true. It was probably just Jack's way of trying to warn the Marine to be more watchful than normal. Jack had been a little fretful about Daniel going off world without SG–1 ever since Daniel had been kidnapped by an Unas.

"And that you were to be brought back in good shape."

Daniel felt his cheeks color at the presumption that he was like a piece of luggage or a lawnmower on loan. As irritating as it was, that was frequently how the military considered civilians: like inanimate objects to be moved around. He understood it, but he didn't like it.

"And that I could bet on you to always come through with the unexpected."

Daniel blinked at the possible compliment. "Oh."

Sanchez drew closer. "You just cost me a grand, Jackson. I never thought you'd have the balls to french a bride minutes after their marriage — and Marines at that." He snorted and walked away.

Daniel stood in the darkness, confused. How had Sanchez found out? And how had events been so misrepresented to make him out to be some sort of immoral Don Juan?  
Someone must have been watching the ceremony from the jungle.

Suddenly, a dark shape loomed up beside him and clapped him on the shoulder. He was too lost in thought to jump this time.

"Hey, Doc! You're the man! Everyone's saying you gotta big pair."

Oh, no. Clark had heard the rumors. "Listen, Major Clark, I don't know how this…thing…with the kiss got started. I swear I haven't sa—"

"Don't worry about it, Doc. I'm the one that spilled the beans. It was worth it, too. I'll have made enough for a down payment on a house off–base from all the bets I've made. Thanks for your help, and, uh, sorry about taking liberties with your person. You know I'll still respect you in the morning, don't you?" she said, grinning.

A down payment on a house? That would be tens of thousands of dollars. Sudden suspicion caused Daniel's stomach to twist with anxiety. "Er, how many bet against me?"

"Thirty one of your fellow gate travelers thought you would never dare to help a pair of Marines break regulations; only one thought you would."

He blinked. "Thirty? You made bets with thirty people about what I'd do? What if I hadn't married you? You would have lost all that money. I can't believe—"

"I asked Teal'c. He said you were a sweetie and you'd get a kick out of it."

Daniel did a double take. "Teal'c said I was a 'sweetie'?"

"Okay, he may have used some other words, but that's what he meant."

"I see. Well, I'm glad I came through for you."

She beamed at him and slipped her arm around his shoulders for a quick hug. "That you did." She gave him a slightly longer hug. "Thanks, Doctor Jackson. You gave me the wedding of my dreams. I'll never forget it."

"Good luck, Major Clark. And Teal'c was right, I did get a kick out of it. Thanks for asking me," he said sincerely.

* * * * *

Four days later, Daniel sat in his office deep in the midst of organizing the data from his recent trip. It was past 1800, but he wanted to get this particular job done tonight as he needed to start the analysis of the latest MALP data from a new planet in the morning.

The sound of confident footstep entered his office and he glanced up. "Hey, Jack."

"Hey." Apparently at a loose end, Jack picked up a few things off Daniel's desk and fiddled with them before setting them back down.

"What's up?" Daniel asked, paying most of his attention to his computer.

Jack leaned over until he could see the monitor. "Pretty," he remarked. "It reminds me of an outdoor wedding chapel I saw in Maui."

Daniel flicked a quick glance at Jack to check his expression. The photo he was looking at was an exterior of the temple where Lewis and Clark held their ceremony; surely that was too much of a coincidence that Jack would happen to mention 'wedding' while looking at that photo?

Jack sighed and leaned against the edge of the desk. "They specialized in military."

Daniel kept typing. "Really."

"Yeah. They offered a variety of religious and civil ceremonies, all of them legal, right down to the blood tests."

Well, that seemed to cinch it. Daniel sat back in his chair, his hands resting in his lap. "You know," he accused.

"Yes, Daniel, I know." Jack cocked his head to the side. "What made you think you could do something like that and keep it a secret?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it was the fact that there were only three of us there and the other two were flaunting regulations on top of everything else and they would want to keep it secret?"

"They're Marines, Daniel."

"Yes. And?"

"They're SG–3. That makes them crazy sonsovbitches."

Daniel hung his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I am so busted. What's Hammond going to do?"

"Hammond?"

"Yes, Hammond."

"Oh. So you recognize that maybe you shouldn't have led those two astray—"

"They led me."

"—and that in future, off–world temples are not to be misused as cheap alternatives to the local hotel ballroom?"

"I…I thought it was a spur of the moment decision on their part. It seemed romantic. How was I do know they had told half the mountain about it before they asked me?"

They stared at each other.

"So, what's going to happen?" Daniel asked, resignedly.

"Are you going to make a habit out of performing weddings off–world in the future?"

"No."

"Bar Mitzvahs?"

"Jack, I get the picture. No."

"Then nothing."

There was a pause.

"Nothing? What do you mean, nothing? What about Hammond?"

"I mean 'nothing', N–U–T–H–ING. Hammond doesn't want to know about stuff like this. He's an important guy."

Daniel waited until he mentally counted to ten. "Fine. I promise I'll never do anything like this again. Now will you go away?"

Jack sat on the edge of his desk. "Nope. Come on, Daniel. It's past quitin' time. Power down 'cause I'm taking my team out for dinner."

"Why? What's the occasion?"

"The occasion is having you back and safe and sound."

"You mean I was returned in good condition?" he asked sarcastically.

Jack grinned. "Yep, with nary a scratch to the paint job. Besides, I just came into some money."

Daniel opened his mouth to beg off, but Jack grabbed a black wire that came out of the back of the laptop. "Don't make me pull out this out," he threatened. When Daniel hesitated, he wiggled it slightly. "Don't tempt me, I'll do it!"

"All right. Fine. I'll go to dinner with you." With a series of quick, sharp taps, he saved his work and prepared the laptop to shutdown. "So tell me about this money you came into," he said, distractedly. "Late tax return? What?"

A wicked smile crept across Jack's face. "Nah. I won it from SG–3 while betting on a sure thing."

Daniel closed the lid on the computer and glanced sideways at Jack. "Why am I even surprised?"

Jack merely smiled back at him.

"Was it the marriage bet or the…"

"The what?"

"Never mind." Daniel pushed back his chair and headed for the door.

Jack hopped off the table and trailed after him. "You mean the kiss?" he said with a chuckle. "What did she do to you to get you to—"

"You don't want to know," Daniel interrupted as he headed down the hall.

"Well, I do now. You might as well tell me 'cause you know I'll find out eventually." His voice grew fainter as they walked away from the office.

"Forget it, Jack. My lips are sealed."

"That's not what Clark said."

"Jack!"

END

**Author's Note:**

> Published in Gateway to Eternity.


End file.
